What have I done?

TIme: 2008
Place: Broomfield County Jail, Broomfield CO

The sound of the neighboring cell door slamming shut startles me awake. How the hell did I end up here again? Memories of the night before are flashing through my head. There’s no movement in these memories, they come through as still picture memory moments in between periods of zero memory. Blackouts were a daily in my life at this point. Flashes of cop lights are all I can recall.

I have taser burn marks on my arm and chest. I’m in an isolation cell meaning I was probably being combative and mouthy getting booked in. I’m missing a sock, one of my fingernails is completely ripped off, and I can taste dry blood in my mouth. Fear takes over my entire body realizing I have no idea what my charges are or what had happened the night before. I’m obviously start assuming the absolute worst... what have I done?

The jail nurse and an officer come to my cell to take my vitals. I ask the officer what my charges are and he tells me: assault, resisting arrest, violation of probation and violation of bond. While the nurse is taking my blood pressure she tells me “you are like a whole different person now that you are sober”, I nod my head, “thanks... yeah, that’s what I’ve heard... Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde”

This moment was a big one, it shook me to the core. I blacked out on a regular basis when I drank, but this one showed me that really anything could happen. Alcohol became the driver when I blacked out... and that was a really scary thought.