The trigger: 4th of July

While still in active addiction, the 4th of July was one of those “let’s get as fucked up as humanly possible” kind of days. Not sure why... but definitely wasn’t doing drugs and getting blackout drunk to celebrate our country’s independence, I can tell you that much.

It was one of those holidays where “normal” people wanted to get extra fucked up too; and any occasion where us junkies could blend in with the regulars of society, even just for a day, was a big deal in our minds. Getting fucked up as usual while upholding the false appearance of being a normie was a huge win. So yay! Happy Independence Day to us dysfunctional, drunken druggies right?

For the first few years in recovery, July 4th was a tough one. It always seemed to bring on triggering feelings and memories. Those sneaky thoughts of using would creep in. Most years, fantasies of getting high would come up and I would have to implement coping mechanisms. Relapse is a big part of my story, so the most effective one for me was to “play the tape through”. And why was this so effective? Because after playing the tape through, it always became very obvious that I don’t have another relapse left in me!

Specific holidays, people, places or things can trigger thoughts of drinking and using. We are addicts and alcoholics who spent years of our lives obsessing over drugs and booze on a daily basis.... so of course it’s completely normal to have these thoughts!

But if you are anything like me, using is NOT an option. I don’t know if I would make it back out alive and I have too much to live for today. I have a wife and daughter that need me, friends and family that love me, and strangers I don’t know yet that I am determined to help! I’m willing to do anything to not use again.

On that note, hope everyone had a HAPPY 4TH OF JULY! I feel grateful to have spent mine surrounded by those I love, sober and living a life I only dreamed of!