We Found Love in a Hopeless Place

I met Julie* at a call center job in Boulder. We would stand up in our cubicles and lock eyes from across the room, I was shy but she wasn’t. She knew exactly what we both wanted and she was going to make sure it happened. Before we ever had our first conversation I knew there was something different about her, the draw I had to her was something I had never felt before. Not sure if I would call it love at first sight, but passion at first sight is most likely an understatement. I was obsessed from day one.

We hung out and instantly hit it off. After the first day we hung out, we didn’t leave each others’ side. We were both in relationships at the time, but quickly broke up with them to be with each other. She was living with her boyfriend, so she had nowhere to go, so naturally she moved in with me. We had been in each other’s lives for a week at this point. We were inseparable, we had the kind of love that made those around us sick. Our obsession for each other could be felt by everyone in the room. She made me feel like a king, she was my Bonnie, I was her Clyde.

The obsession for each other only grew stronger, but soon the loving passion turned into something darker. She started to get angry, violent and possessive. Why didn’t I end it then? Because I was just as empty and dysfunctional, I thrived on it. She became my drug, I was addicted to her and she was addicted to me. We fucking hated each other but we loved each other with the same amount of passion. I saw the fact that she was so possessive and passionate as her way of showing how much she cared. Over the next 5 years, we cheated, we got arrested and we broke up and made up over 100 times. We would fight, I would call her psycho, she would kick my ass, we would make up, and do it all over again. We spiraled down into a dark hole together, that we didn’t come out of for years...